My Journey to Motherhood
Hebrews 10:23 (NLT) Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for
God can be trusted to keep his promise.
I have always wanted to be a mom. My friends even from way back can tell you that
often I am the “mother “ of the group. It just did not seem to be in the cards for me
until………..NOW!
You see, in January when my church was doing its 504 hours of prayer and fasting, I
felt God say "it is time". So what is it time for? To adopt!
I have always been called to adopt a child, I never needed to “genetically reproduce”.
My baby brother is adopted and I have always felt led to do adopt as well. In maybe
2003, I was very attached to a little boy whom my friend Karen was fostering. He was
about to get adopted and they were worried that I would be upset about it because I
loved him so much and we were attached at the hip. But, I can tell you at what
intersection I was at when God said to me that one day I would have my "Kevin". So I
have clung to that promise that God gave to me. Then maybe 8 years ago I started to
have money taken out of my paycheck every month to put into an adoption fund. I
didn’t even look at the account, it was just there. But all this time I felt I was not called
to do it alone, that I needed a spouse before that plan could be carried out……but in
January God changed it when He told "it is time".
So I did my classes/trainings and in May I was approved and could start my search.
The search can be a difficult process and although I knew it would be difficult, I did not
expect the emotional roller coaster that it really is. The system in the US is so broken.
I now know why there are so many young people in the US who need homes, they get
stuck in the system…..workers don't call or follow up, they put restrictions such as the
adoptive family must live in the state of XYZ etc, and don't even get me started about
the fact that it is all online where pedophiles can troll for the most vulnerable and high
risk youth. The process itself is often like match.com or other online dating sites.
Along the way I have had an episode of heartbreak, but also revelation. I went into this
thinking I wanted a young child, but I believe God had something else in mind. My
worker asked me if I would take a teenager and that made me re-think things. Let me
tell you there are a lot of children who are 12 years old and older who need homes.
On 6/29 I had made an inquiry on a young lady and since my worker could only follow
up on 5 at a time, I did not ask my worker to follow through on this inquiry. Then
on 7/16 (almost forgetting I submitted on her) I received a request from her social
worker.
On 8/26 I had the interview and later that day got the best call of my entire life!
Congratulations Susan you have been selected to be A's pre-adoptive home (which is
what they call it until finalized). I squealed I was so happy. I truly believe God has had
His hand in all this. Both A and her worker are Christians and that has make parts of
the process absolutely wonderful.
I am unable to share her name publicly until adopted due to privacy issues. So, we will
call her "A", she is 12 years old and lives in the Midwest. The transition has been a
nice gradual one. It is hard enough being 12, but then having to move to a new state,
with new people, new friends, new school…….SCARY. She is so brave.
A few days after I was selected to be A's mother I was talking to the worker and she
told me that they would plan on bringing her for a visit. I was excited until she told me
that it took 21 days to book the travel. So I said, could I go there before then? sure!!!
so I moved mountains and 1 week later (Labor Day weekend) I was off to the midwest
to meet my daughter.
Of course it was nerve-wracking waiting to meet her and awkward a the very start, but
once her worker and therapist left us to be alone, things just fell into place. She is a
beautiful 12 year old who is nearly as tall as me!!! She was able to spend the entire
holiday weekend with me at the hotel. We had such a wonderful time. We laughed
and there were some tender moments as well, my heart melted when she gave me an
unsolicited hug or put her head in my lap when she was tired. But then came Monday
which was absolutely gut wrenching……..letting her go. When they got into the car to
drive off I started to cry. I didnt want to let my baby go. I wanted to take her home.
It is interesting because different parts of this journey have been like being pregnant
but in a unique and special adoptive way. Like, “you have been selected” feels like the
positive pregnancy call from the Doctor. And after meeting her and having to leave
her, it felt like my premature child was in the NICU but I couldn’t see her every
day. She is not ready to come home yet. We are able to talk via phone every few
days, but it is not the same as being with her. Somehow I actually even gained
“Pregnancy weight”. When does that start to come off???
I had been scrubbed the house clean---you know that "getting ready for baby" type of
clean. Cleaning things I have not cleaned in the 11 years since I bought my house.
We had to wait on the states to do their thing. Meanwhile they did arrange a visit for A
to come to NY and she visited 10/22-26. We had a very busy, but great time together.
When she left, I held it together (she didn't like to see me cry last time) and I did as I
watched her and her worker walk away. Then, I got into my car and bawled. It was so
hard because I knew that we were close to her coming home permanently but I just did
not know when, and that drives a person like me crazy.
This adoption process is not for one who is faint of heart. There are so many hills and
valleys, highs and lows. I have been very persistent with following up, nudging, and
sometimes plain old harassing someone until a job gets done. I think they will all sigh a
big sigh of relief when the process is over and I’m not bugging them. But I’m her mom,
that’s my job, to fight for her!
3 days after she left, I got the final word and a “delivery date” of 11/21/15. It seems
almost unreal, that the dream is coming to fruition. From the date of
inception, 1/11/15 when God put this on my heart until she will be in my arms will be 44
weeks, that is just a little longer than a normal pregnancy can go. Isn't that cool??
Im nervous, Im excited, Im anxious, but most of all I am fully of JOY. Besides having
God in my life, this is absolutely the best thing that has happened to me. I just want to
share with everyone I meet (and sometimes I do…poor strangers) I can't believe that I
have been chosen to be this child's mother. I have no idea how it feels to be pregnant
or to give birth, but to me, this experience is just as rich if not richer because I know it
is Gods plan for me and for A. My feelings are without words. I am so blessed.
Interesting…. last year on the 19th of November was my uterus day (aka
hysterectomy) , and the year before that on the 20th of November was my "brain" day
(my chiari surgery). November has been pretty significant now for the past few
years. But, November is also national adoption month. Although A will have to be with
me for 3-6 months before she will be legally adopted. It does seem fitting that our
"family day celebration" will be during adoption month. We will celebrate the day that
God brought us together to be a family through His perfect plan of adoption.
Psalm 113:9 (NLT)
He gives the childless woman a family,
making her a happy mother.
Praise the Lord!
