My Jordan

This post is a little different from my usual posts……

Susan, this is the neurosurgery office, we have received a referral for you to come and see the Doctor, can you come in on tuesday?  What?  That is the message  I had on my voicemail  just 2 days after having an MRI of my neck.  A routine test that I had done for some symptoms that I had been having and because I had some torticolllius (crooked neck)…..WHAT? HUH?? What was wrong with me??  

The diagnosis:  Chiari Malformation I……again……WHAT???  essentially it means that my brain is falling out of my head.  Truly, that is what it means.  Too much brain to contain one T-shirt says….another says, Chiari means, my brain is falling out.  Which T-shirt should I get? They both crack me up.

Kidding aside, this diagnosis was like a 2x4 straight between the eyes.  I was not prepared for it at all.  All the little symptoms I have had, well I chalked it up to maybe a pinched nerve or side effects from my medications……not that my brain was trying to herniate out of my skull and share space with my spinal column because surely that is NOT GOOD!

To be honest, my first reaction was ……...really God? Seriously God? You see, this is not my first "unique" medical diagnosis.  If it has a weird name, well then leave it to me to have it happen to me…..labral tear of the hip, tarsal tunnel syndrome of the ankle, the genetic drusen retinal disease in my eyes and now this!  Really?  I think my exact words to God were…….enough with the crazy S#%$!  But, you know what? God has broad shoulders and a whole lot of grace.  Thankfully he did not smite me down for stamping my feet and throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old.  He did not even put me into time out…...He sat there like the good parent that He is, watching me, protecting me.  Knowing that when I was done with the temper tantrum, I would want to run back into His arms for hugs and kisses and some TLC.  Because, isn't that what good parents do for their children? 

Im thankful for my faith, for a loving God and for wonderful friends who quickly helped to re-frame what was happening to me.  I could wallow in the "poor me" mentality or I could choose to stand up and face the challenge with everything that I have and see what God would do through the battle.  

So, I decided to overcome.  I decided to be a warrior.

Sometimes it amazes me the goodness of God and how He orchestrates things so perfectly .  Susan, He whispered……grow your hair long……Susan, don't go to Ethiopia in October, you need to rest…..Susan, work on your house, fix it up complete all the projects that have been pending.  Why Lord?  Are you going to take me into the mission field?  Are you going to bring me a husband?  A child?……I was obedient and I was all excited to see what was going to happen….This?  Well, this is NOT what I was expecting…..But, you know what?  I am safely in the US and not having my brain herniate in Africa.  My hair is long enough that you won't see the shaved zipper up the back of my head and when Im at home recuperating for 3 months, I won't have to look at the dilapidation of a house that my house was in……Yes, He is that good!  

He also uses people, people . Llke Holly Wagner ,who spoke at church, the week after I got my diagnosis. She is a breast cancer survivor and wrote a book called "Warrior Chicks". I highly recommend it for anyone who is going into a battle of any kind. There is sound advice in the book about taking your stand and getting ready and facing the battle with God on your team.   And if you want an anthem, well Mandisa's new CD "Overcomer"…..well that is your soundtrack!

In a few weeks I will have surgery to give my brain room so that it won't be squished any longer.  Obviously it is scary to have someone messing with your brain and spine, but I have peace about it.  I peace that surpasses understanding.  That can only come from one source.

Last week there was a message about how Joshua was leading the people to the promise land after 40 years and they had to cross the Jordan.   They had to "follow the presence of God" across the river and then fight Giants before getting to the promise of God.  That is me.  I am in a season where I am about to cross my Jordan…..on the other side, the promise Land.

Get ready for the battle…..here comes the warrior !

Tag, you are it!--Laser Tag

Tag, you are it!  A game we all play when we are children, so why not play as adults?

Last night I went with a few friends to play Laser tag.  It was supposed to be a group of us and only 4 brave souls showed up to face our mission.

Our mission…..Strap on your vest, grab your laser, find your way in the dark maze, and shoot your opponents with the laser gun without getting shot at first.  I have to say, with 4 people this proved to be much more challenging because you actually had to hunt for your opponents all in the dark with mirrors tricking you to almost shoot at yourself (I swear I only did it once….well maybe only once) while creepy music plays above you.

I was awful.  Not because I can't aim worth beans…but because when you get shot, the laser vest vibrates which made me laugh uncontrollably giving my location away, which then led me to get shot again within minutes.  It was so much fun, WAY better than paint ball (remember #15--OUCH).

So, I scored the lowest, but then again one of the players had military background---an unfair advantage!

It was so much fun though I really didn't care that I was doing so poorly, I loved the fact that I was laughing, really laughing, the kind of laughing that is the pure kid like joy.  That is way better than winning, any day!

GO Orange, take 2

On the original list was Syracuse basketball, so why not venture out and experience a Syracuse Orangeman Football game!

Honestly, I know NOTHING about football.  My dad was not a sports kind of guy, so our house was not the house where football was on the TV every Monday night or Sunday afternoons. What is funny, is that a number of my girlfriends are sports fans and know a whole bunch, so I go along for the ride to try things and to learn new things and I thought, why not give football  a shot too….wellllllllll maybe not :)

The day should have been great.  We had great seats, we were supposed to go to a reception before the game….one small glitch…..we did not know it was homecoming weekend.  Therefore, there was a sea of orange, EVERYWHERE and what should have taken us 30 minutes took us hours and we were so late that we even missed kick off.

Quite a different crowd than the basketball fans, a bit more drunk, a bit more boisterous, and a bit more obnoxious.  

Our seats were really good, it is incredible to me, that the Dome can house, basketball, football, and concerts etc.

The game…..well, Im no football fan, but when someone who knows nothing about football can tell you that the game is painfully bad, well then OUCH!  Needless to say, Syracuse did not win that day.

My friend and I might not have had the best of luck with things going right for us that day (ok, as a general rule things went wrong most of the day) But, you know what?  It was a day trying something new for me, it was a day hanging out with a friend, we had some laughs, and at the end of the day, we ate one really awesome fish fry at her favorite place in Syracuse.  

Those are the things that really matter in life anyway, aren't they?

Swimming back up to the surface

So, it has been almost exactly 3 years since my last post and I have decided to resurface.  Why?  Well I felt prompting from God.....I did something new this summer, something I had never done before, something that "would have gone on the list".....So, why not re-start it.....just with no deadline, no set number,

I wish I could say that after turned 40 then my life was magically transformed into all that I had hoped and expected it to be, but those trials that I faced during the year prior to 39 continued....and I am ashamed to say, that without the distractions of the "list" to keep reminding me to live life ABUNDANTLY, well I lived life adequately.  

As I posted during my journey to 40, my father was diagnosed with esophageal cancer and 2011 was the year of loss......loss to cancer.   First my father, then my best friend's mom (who was like a second mom to me) , one of my dearest patients, and then my grandpa Louie........ God walked me through the toughest and darkest year with strength and grace that I KNOW can only come from Him, because there is no other way I would have made it through those times.

Now, many would hardly say my life is just adequate......I have been back to Ethiopia 5 times (ok, so I fell head over heels in love with the country), I serve, I am plugged in to church, I do some fun things,  I have good friends.  Isn't that enough?

But something spoke to me recently, no.....living life adequately is not enough. Remember what life what like when you were living it ABUNDANTLY?  Remember the joy you felt amidst the trials and the pain?  That is what God wants for you!

It seems crazy to think that fixing up ones house is living abundantly but I'm telling you that is where this all started.

Have you ever had someone come into your life and when they leave your life you think, what was the purpose in meeting them?  Recently I had that type of encounter.  I dated someone for a brief period of time and we just were not a right fit for each other.  But something about him, motivated me to make changes in my life.  I decided that I needed to stop ignoring the house projects and falling down aspects of my house.  No magic fairy was going to come and bitpty-bopty boop it to perfection, and so began my summer of caulk guns, paint cans, sweat and tears oh my!

You may say, how are house projects living abundantly?  Taking control over ones life, not letting circumstances control your life any longer.  That is living abundantly.  It was also a step of healing.  You see, some of the projects which had to be done, had been started by my father.....so completing them, well it might be 2 years later, but it offered a type of healing that nothing else could have offered.

You see, God knew....God knew that I needed a catalyst.  I needed a spark to light the fire.  So he brought someone into my life to be that, to be the kick in the pants that I needed to get moving.  Sometimes that just amazes me, about God.  He knows what we need, even when we don't and we don't understand why things are happening to us......  I don't know why it amazes me.....it just does.