My final thoughts

Well, my year of celebrating has come to an end and I wanted to share a few thoughts about my "experiment". Honestly, I think it was one of the best things I could have done with my life and it has been an incredible journey.

What started out as "I just want to challenge myself" turned out to be something so much more. God used "THE LIST" (as my friends and I refer to it) to work issues out in me, heal me, occupy me, distract me, push me to my limits, and show me things about myself and others that perhaps I would have not otherwise seen. For that, I am forever changed.

This year has been full of challenges. My dad was diagnosed with metastatic cancer and he had been fighting the battle of his life, as the daughter living the closest (and as a medical provider) it has been hard to switch hats between clinician and daughter, the ups and the downs of cancer treatment are so difficult on the family. My dearest and closest uncle passed away suddenly in March requiring me to go to Florida only a few days before my trip to Ethiopia. Honestly, the timing was God ordained as I was blessed to be able to be there to support my Aunt, and my sister and her kids were already in FL for vacation....God was so good to us such a sorrowful time. I acquired an illness in Ethiopia and returned with it and it lingered longer than I had anticipated, which prevented me from doing some of the things I wanted to do in the early summer. Then Fourth of July weekend, I sustained an injury to my foot by falling into a stupid MOLE HOLE ! That injury has lasted all the way until the present time and required surgery. But God has been faithful and I believe that "THE LIST" kept me sane during some of the darkest and most painful times of this past year.....it kept me moving forward, kept me pressing on! Despite all the things happening to me, I knew I had to finish the list and illness or not, foot injury or not, even my dad's illness (he would tell me to go and do things) did not prevent me from working on the list. The List kept me moving forward. "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" Philippians 3:12-14.

I recently saw "Eat, Pray, Love" and although the spiritual thoughts in the movie are not the same as my Christan beliefs, I believe that there are some basic spiritual principles that are true that people should glean. Eat.....well, this year has been a LITTLE too good to me on that front! I think I'm the only person who goes to Ethiopia and GAINS weight!....but oh, the food was so good. Pray.......During this year, my spiritual walk continues to grow. I have continued to work on my issue of "letting go" and letting God lead me. One thing I realize is that this is not a one time event, it is a continual process and I have to do it over and over and over again. But on a daily basis I'm ready to jump and leap--just like the trapeze or the repelling-- when God tells me, I'm listening and I will have faith that He knows what is best for my life. Love....well, I was hoping that this year would bring me a husband and maybe some kids. I know, I know I'm being ridiculous but a girl can hope can't she !? But what God continued to show me is that I have Love all around me and that just because I don't have those things does not mean that I'm not loved.......LOVE IS.......the children who want to hold your hand and play with you in Ethiopia, the patient who writes you a thank you letter because you kept her grounded on a day that she thought she was going to lose it, people who lift you up in prayer, friends who take shifts to care for you after surgery, a friend who did half of "THE LIST" with you.......and the list goes on and on and on in of examples in my head.

God knows the desires of my heart, but I'm glad that in the meantime I'm not consumed by lack of them. That He has filled my life with so many good things, for that....I am grateful.

This past year has been so wonderful, I'm actually sad to see it end. I did "The List" so that I would not be sad about turning 40 and the only thing that I'm upset about is that the list is complete. People ask, "So what are you going to do now that the list is done?" Well, I have decided to have an open ended list. A list of "Things I've never thought about doing but now I've done ....." Without a deadline, there is a lot less pressure, but still it is always fun to try new things, experience new things and LIVE LIFE ABUNDANTLY!!!! "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly" John 10:10. For that is what God wants for his children, that is why he sent his son Jesus...it is the way that I should live my life. Not just because I'm turning 40 but every day. I'm thankful for this lesson.....I'm thankful for His never ending love, grace, support and mercy.

#40 Renting lake house with friends

#40, the final thing on the list......I have never rented a cabin or anything like that and gone away with friends before, so I thought it would be the perfect thing to do to celebrate my 40th birthday.

I hunted and hunted for a place that could fit a good number of friends that would not totally wipe me out financially (although my friends graciously kicked in toward the cost of the place)....as "the list" has cost me quite a bit this year. Since some of my friends were coming from a distance I also had to think of a location that might make it easier for some of them, and I wanted it to be on one of the finger lakes. Plus, I did not want to be at a lake house that was right on top of neighbors....yes I had lots of specifications I had to meet.

BUT, I finally found a place on Seneca lake, Secluded Shores. And let me tell you......I was NOT disappointed. I had only seen it in the photographs online, but it was perfect! You had to go down a long gravel road to get to the house, and the neighbors were not close at all. The view......AMAZING! We were right over the lake and the covered deck around the house was the hit of the house and the place to be.

I only could have a certain number of friends that could be invited, which was the most difficult thing about the weekend as I had so many people who I would have loved to have join me.

The weekend started with my parents coming for the first night as most of my friends could not come until the next day. One of my Best friends and my God-daughter arrived late that night from Albany, so my birthday morning started BRIGHT and EARLY with a camera flashing in my face capturing my major bed-headed hair as she sang happy birthday and baby giggled away.

Another friend arrived late that morning and a friend from Boston arrived at lunchtime. It was an absolutely beautiful day.....unusually hot and sunny, but there was a wonderful breeze. Just relaxing, listening to the lake, enjoying the sunshine with friends was a terrific way to spend a lazy birthday afternoon.

For my birthday dinner, we met up with 2 more friends at the Moosewood in Ithaca. A terrific vegetarian restaurant, then we all returned back to the lake for my mom's famous "disappearing chocolate cake" with all 40 candles for me to blow out!

Saturday, the girls all went hiking at Watkins glen. I went along for the first little bit for a photo shoot, but due to my recent foot surgery I obviously could go no further so K and I took the little one back to the house for nap time--ha ha!!....she had no intention of napping.....

Then it was off to Wagner Winery for lunch and start our wine touring. We did tasting there and at Lamoreaux Landing Wine Cellars (http://www.lamoreauxwine.com/) , Leidenfrost Vineyards, and Atwater Estate Vineyards (http://www.atwatervineyards.com/). My favorites were Lamoreaux and Atwater.

Back at the lake house it was more relaxing out on the waters edge with wonderful snacks and conversation, until the wind kicked up and we had to retreat inside....then everyone disappeared to different corners of the house for nap time until dinner.

After a wonderful dinner, the sadness of saying goodbyes to some of the girls started as a few had to depart early.......taking us down to only 3 for the night.

The weekend was fun, I wish that I had been in perfect health so I could have been more active and engaging and peppy. I think that movies sometimes ruin things for real life. We watch them and they portray these perfect stories of how things should go, and unless they are a comedy they don't show: the grill that won't light, the stove burner that won't heat, the fact that my foot was swollen and I had to go home "NOW" and put it up or it would explode, baby needing a nap (or her poopy diapers), people being tired from their every day lives and just needing a break and crashing, that the wind was too much for the campfire thus no smores, wine tasting was enough---who needs to come back and drink more--we are old and that just makes us more tired. Movies just make you expect that everything will be perfect and that when a group of women go away together they will laugh, and giggle, and drink wine, eat food, play games.....perfect.

But one thing I have come to realize this past year (although I think I already knew it), Life is hardly perfect and I need to not be disappointed when it is not. I need to accept the beautiful moments that I DO have, the friendships that I DO have, the love that I DO have, the experiences that I HAVE had, and the life that I DO have for God has blessed me with so many wonderful people in my life.....this weekend solidified that. My friends are amazing, I love them so very much. I am so thankful that they could end this year of Living Life Abundantly with me and celebrate my turning 40 with me. They are truly a blessing to my life.

#37 Up, up and away--3rd times the Charm

#37 was to go on a hot air balloon ride. I got the idea a few years ago when a friend and I went to the Dansville Hot Air Balloon Festival. We talked about it and said "We should do that to celebrate our 40th birthdays"......so here it is, my 40th birthday.....and I'm going to do it!

I originally planned to make this the finale, the last thing that I did but after getting the lecture on how many flights don't happen due to weather, and then having to have foot surgery scheduled 10 days before my birthday, the flight had to be moved up a number of weeks.

I went with Liberty Balloon Company http://www.libertyballoon.com as I am friends with one of the family members who works within the company, so I knew it was a good company to fly with.

Attempt #1 (yes, there were multiple attempts) 8/21/10 was a 6am flight where I was going to do a flight over Letchworth State Park. Do you know what time you have to get up to be in Castile at 6am??? EARLY!!! The weather that morning was not beautiful, but we were going to attempt the launch. The poor guys set up the balloon, got us in it then wrestled it for a bit (as we got a foot off the ground) and as a 5 year old passenger screamed bloody murder the pilot decided that the weather was too marginal for a flight. Was I upset? Surprisingly no.....I had a sense of peace and calmness. First off, I'm all about being safe. I did NOT want to be up in a balloon on a marginal semi cloudy and windy day where we have to worry about landing and having the basket tip over. Second, did I really want to have to listen to a terrified little girl who really was too young for such a thing? I still had time to re-schedule....I knew we would have a good day for it when the time came. I trusted the pilot 100%.....So, we packed up and all went out for breakfast instead!

Attempt #2 9/5/10 This time I met up with the pilot and crew at the Dansville Balloon Festival in the hopes of launching for an evening flight with all the other balloons. The day had been rather "iffy" weather wise, but the winds seemed to be calming down and the sun was coming out. We were hopeful that the flight would go off. After waiting and hoping, they cancelled the flights for that evening and once again my plans were thwarted. Well, I thought....I have one weekend left....it will have to be next weekend or I'll have to come up with plan B. But rather than pout and cry,and stomp my foot (I cant stomp my feet, I only have one good foot-haha), we packed up and went to dinner!


Attempt #3 9/11/10....6:30 in the morning, beautiful sunrise, crisp air, slight fog over Conesus Lake. The launch was from Deer Creek Winery and it went off........without a hitch! It was the Pilot, myself and another passenger.

So what is it like? Floating.......serene........peaceful.....gliding......beautiful....breathtaking

The most amazing moment was when we saw the reflection of the balloon in the fog/cloud. At first glance, when it was not complete, it looked like an angel to me, but then it formed the shape of the balloon with the rainbow around it---absolutely spectacular!

So if everything happens for a reason, what was the reason that my launches kept getting thwarted? Well, I think there are a number of reasons. Some of which I can share and some of which are personal and between God and myself.

First off, God is ALWAYS working on me in the area of patience (NOT my strong suit)....so making me wait...well that's just the kind of thing that I need to do sometimes. Second, The day that the launch happened was a beautiful weather day, the sun was shining--to me, it was what I had visioned in my head that the balloon ride would be like....if we went up on the "marginal" day, well I would have been disappointed. Finally the day of the balloon ride and rest 9/11 came at a perfect time. After the balloon ride I ended up having breakfast with friends, going horseback riding, coming back to the city getting a pedicure, later making myself home-made lasagna and renting a moving and vegging on the couch. It was an exhausting day, but a great day. A day full of fun, a day of forgetting all that I "had" to do to prepare for my upcoming foot surgery, forgetting my responsibilities.

If only I remembered to take more days like that on a regular basis. Why does God have to use something like this to make it so evident to me that I needed it? I guess it means that I have something to work on, but then again....dont we all.

#39 Rosh Hashanah at Shema

Essentially this was my last task on the list (because the final thing, #40 will coincide with the actual celebration of my 40th birthday). Honestly I can't think of a better way to to essentially end "The List".

I have wanted to go to the Messianic Temple here in Rochester, Shema Yisrael,(http://www.shemayisrael.org/) for services for a long while, but have been waiting for a special occasion and I thought what better than to go during "The holidays".

I really was not sure what to expect as I have never been to a Torah service before. Really, it was not that much different than a church service except some of the things were in Hebrew....which made it beautiful and rich. There was dancing and singing, the Shofar (a special trumpet) was blown... as Rosh Hasahanah is a time of celebration, it is the New Year. A day of shouting in Joy to the Lord, remembering the day of creation, remembering the Lord, remembering the past year--both good and bad.

The reason that God wanted me to celebrate Rosh Hashanah at Shema was for me to hear the message. You see, Rosh hashanah begins the Days of Awe, the 10 days between now and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement). It is a time to remember our own unworthiness and His sacrifice. A time to soften our heart, uncover sin (even that which we don't even know that we have), awaken us from our slumber...... "God show Me the things that you want me to change" . Why do we need to atone for these sins despite that fact that Jesus already made the ultimate sacrifice for us? 1) our walk with the Lord will not go forward unless we grow 2) We wont bear fruit 3) We will reap what we sow.

He then focused a lot on bitterness and how it is a dangerous root causing trouble and contaminating many. The spirits that attach itself to bitterness are unforgiveness, resentment, retaliation, anger, wrath, hatred, and violence. How much of that is going around me all the time? How much of that might be in my own heart? What things might I be holding onto some bitterness about?........ BUT.....there is hope, there is ammunition. FORGIVENESS. When we forgive others, when we forgive ourselves this root can be thwarted and die.

This is something that the Days of Awe are for....this is something that God needed to remind me of. What are my hidden sins? What bitterness do I hide? To whom do I need to extend forgiveness?.....those are conversations between God and myself, but I encourage everyone to engage in those talks with our Father. Even if it is not during these "Days of Awe" or on the Day of Atonement. For there is freedom in forgiveness.

So as I begin this New Year, this new era (of being 40), I reflect on what has happened this past year and all the lessons that I have learned through both "The list" and just living my life, this year has changed my life in such a positive manner and I'm eternally grateful for the lessons that I have been taught.

L’shana Tova

#38 Pedal for People

Biking 20 miles was hardly what I had in mind for #38.....this was a compromise but sometimes life is about compromises.

Doing a bike ride is what started this whole "List" thing to begin with. You see, in June of 2009, I heard about this bike ride called "America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride - Lake Tahoe". It is a 72 mile bike ride around Lake Tahoe. Lake Tahoe is such a beautiful place that when I heard about this ride I decided I had to do it. I thought to myself, if I can do this ride, well then I can do anything, so maybe I should challenge myself?! Maybe I should use my parents idea of doing 40 things in a year (they do it for big anniversary celebration years) and count the ride as one......and thus, "the list" was born.

So last year for my birthday I purchased myself a bike with the intention of getting ready for this ride in June......but life had other plans.

Some of you may know that in December my father was diagnosed with metastatic esophageal cancer. At the time of his diagnosis he was very sick. Even though the ride is in June, you have to register for America's Most Beautiful Ride on January 1st and pay $100 for the ride and it tends to sell out quickly. Due to the curve ball that had been thrown at my family, I had no idea what 6 months down the road would hold for us and the thought of traveling so far away when things were so up in the air, well I decided that perhaps I should look for a ride closer to home.

The benefit of looking for a ride here in Rochester was then I could rope one of my friends (Ms. M)--my ever faithful sidekick, into participating with me. So we decided to do the 40 mile option for the Tour de Cure for Diabetes in Rochester in June.....well, that WAS the plan.

Until, I came home from Ethiopia in late April after being sick in Ethiopia with lingering respiratory illness that lasted 3 weeks and joint pains that lasted months. I felt SO terrible that there was no way I could train and be ready for the first week in June. So we searched for another option.

Pedal for People http://www.pedalforpeople.com/ was a perfect option! It is a flexible charity ride where I set up the ride, the distance, the location, the team, the sponsors.....it just had to be over Labor day weekend and then the monies raised went to the Clean Water Fund for World Vision. Perfect! So I decide that I am going to do 40 miles (for my 40 years of course) on the Saturday of Labor Day weekend.

Until 7/3 I fell in a hole and injured my foot. The injury was severe enough that I had complications and require surgery in September.....So I can't walk at all. The good news? Believe it or not, it does not really hurt to bike.....the bad news? I don't realize this until my leg is so deconditioned that there is NO way I can do 40 miles. SOOOOOOO, I got out on a bike a bit and probably the max I had ever ridden was 10 miles (which is the maximum I have ever ridden bad or good leg!).

The forecast for labor day weekend was Saturday-rains and high winds, Sunday morning rain, Monday beautiful. So we decide to post-pone our ride until Monday morning. Monday morning I get up, and at first the sun is shining and I think hallelujah.......but the sun quickly vanishes and as I am packing things up the clouds roll in and as I drive to meet Ms. M light rain it sprinkling on my car.

Now, I've already decided even though it is cool (its only 60) and slightly raining I'm going. THIS IS THE ONE THING ON THE LIST I HAVE TO DO! No matter what. Even if she follows me in the car and I have to do it alone, I have to do this, I don't know why but I know I must. But I got to her house and her attitude was great, she said....we have biked in the rain before, its no problem. And you know, it WAS no problem, because just as we got outside, the rain stopped!

We had someone drop us and our bikes in the village of Spencerport to start our ride. We then rode along the canal path the entire time. We stopped near the midway point for a refill on water and a little rest (our ride met us with supplies) and then we stopped at Ms. M's house--she lives off the canal for pit stop and then our final destination was Shoen Place, Pittsford where my Odometer clicked the 20 mile mark and we celebrated with lunch at Aladdins.

The weather was perfect. It was not sunny, so you did not have to worry about the sun beating down on you making you hot. It was cool, but not cold so we were comfortable in our light windbreakers and pants. Honestly, what I thought was "crummy" weather ended up being rather pleasant biking weather. The ride along the canal was beautiful in spots and it was nice to see the areas that I had never been to before.

I am proud of myself for riding 20 miles despite the foot injury. And as a friend pointed out to me, if Ms. M rode 20 and I rode 20, well there is the 40 that I needed for my list! I wish I had ridden further, but I guess that is something I will have to strive to do when I'm 40.

This process that enforced that I have what it takes to persevere in the face of adversity when it comes to something that is important to me. For I know........"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5