My Jordan

This post is a little different from my usual posts……

Susan, this is the neurosurgery office, we have received a referral for you to come and see the Doctor, can you come in on tuesday?  What?  That is the message  I had on my voicemail  just 2 days after having an MRI of my neck.  A routine test that I had done for some symptoms that I had been having and because I had some torticolllius (crooked neck)…..WHAT? HUH?? What was wrong with me??  

The diagnosis:  Chiari Malformation I……again……WHAT???  essentially it means that my brain is falling out of my head.  Truly, that is what it means.  Too much brain to contain one T-shirt says….another says, Chiari means, my brain is falling out.  Which T-shirt should I get? They both crack me up.

Kidding aside, this diagnosis was like a 2x4 straight between the eyes.  I was not prepared for it at all.  All the little symptoms I have had, well I chalked it up to maybe a pinched nerve or side effects from my medications……not that my brain was trying to herniate out of my skull and share space with my spinal column because surely that is NOT GOOD!

To be honest, my first reaction was ……...really God? Seriously God? You see, this is not my first "unique" medical diagnosis.  If it has a weird name, well then leave it to me to have it happen to me…..labral tear of the hip, tarsal tunnel syndrome of the ankle, the genetic drusen retinal disease in my eyes and now this!  Really?  I think my exact words to God were…….enough with the crazy S#%$!  But, you know what? God has broad shoulders and a whole lot of grace.  Thankfully he did not smite me down for stamping my feet and throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old.  He did not even put me into time out…...He sat there like the good parent that He is, watching me, protecting me.  Knowing that when I was done with the temper tantrum, I would want to run back into His arms for hugs and kisses and some TLC.  Because, isn't that what good parents do for their children? 

Im thankful for my faith, for a loving God and for wonderful friends who quickly helped to re-frame what was happening to me.  I could wallow in the "poor me" mentality or I could choose to stand up and face the challenge with everything that I have and see what God would do through the battle.  

So, I decided to overcome.  I decided to be a warrior.

Sometimes it amazes me the goodness of God and how He orchestrates things so perfectly .  Susan, He whispered……grow your hair long……Susan, don't go to Ethiopia in October, you need to rest…..Susan, work on your house, fix it up complete all the projects that have been pending.  Why Lord?  Are you going to take me into the mission field?  Are you going to bring me a husband?  A child?……I was obedient and I was all excited to see what was going to happen….This?  Well, this is NOT what I was expecting…..But, you know what?  I am safely in the US and not having my brain herniate in Africa.  My hair is long enough that you won't see the shaved zipper up the back of my head and when Im at home recuperating for 3 months, I won't have to look at the dilapidation of a house that my house was in……Yes, He is that good!  

He also uses people, people . Llke Holly Wagner ,who spoke at church, the week after I got my diagnosis. She is a breast cancer survivor and wrote a book called "Warrior Chicks". I highly recommend it for anyone who is going into a battle of any kind. There is sound advice in the book about taking your stand and getting ready and facing the battle with God on your team.   And if you want an anthem, well Mandisa's new CD "Overcomer"…..well that is your soundtrack!

In a few weeks I will have surgery to give my brain room so that it won't be squished any longer.  Obviously it is scary to have someone messing with your brain and spine, but I have peace about it.  I peace that surpasses understanding.  That can only come from one source.

Last week there was a message about how Joshua was leading the people to the promise land after 40 years and they had to cross the Jordan.   They had to "follow the presence of God" across the river and then fight Giants before getting to the promise of God.  That is me.  I am in a season where I am about to cross my Jordan…..on the other side, the promise Land.

Get ready for the battle…..here comes the warrior !